the last week

so i am heading into the last full week that i will be here, and i have mixed feelings about it. first of all, it's going to be super busy. i explained that in the last blog. we have school in the mornings 8-11 and then english classes 3-7. on top of that, i am still finishing up my graphic design work. it isn't all going to get done, but i want to get as much as possible done.

yeah. mixed feelings. i was feeling super nervous about school earlier this morning. i was also teaching sunday school to the smaller kids this morning. i don't mind doing any of that. i mean, i like kids a lot. but i don't feel like i necessarily am very good at working with kids. and that can be very frustrating for me at times. i want to be better, but i just don't really have the mentality of how to work with kids super well. and today during church i felt really discouraged about that. and just in general about the last few weeks. it is easy to wonder if i have done anything. it's easy to feel like i've failed in so many ways or that nothing i have done really matters. it is just really easy to feel discouraged and upset.

but during and after church, i realized again why i am here. i'm not here to change the world or even so that people remember me. i am here out of obedience to Him. so everything i have done, no matter how big or small, no matter whether or not someone remembers it, everything matters to Him. and also, i just remembered that no matter how bad i seem to be at something, if i do it with love....if i work to love the kids and all those around me....that is enough. i don't have to be the best teacher in the world, i just need to love the kids and do as good as i can. that's all i can do. and that is all He asks for me to do.

keri is leaving on tuesday, and that will be hard to say goodbye. i mean, i will be seeing her in a few weeks. but we've all been here together, and i have, of course, depended on her in ways i do and don't know. she has been a huge help with the english classes, and she was also my aide in the classes at the school. and she's also a lot of fun too.

we're coming to the end, and i just can't believe it. part of me feels like so much has happened and part of me feels like nothing has happened. part of me is amazed at all i've done, and part of me wishes that i had done more. i don't fully understand why i am here still, and i'm not sure that i ever will. i'd like to think i made a difference in some way. but like i said, i really think that this was about obedience.

one thing i do know, i don't want to go back to the states with a bad attitude....like i should have done more. i know that there are things i could have handled better. but i also believe that i did what God wanted me to do. and if the only thing that comes out of this trip is that i pray for certain people and that i am changed, i want that to be enough. i don't want to have to be remembered or feel like i have to see some great change. i want it to be enough that i listened, i came, and i did my best here.

alright. enough of that. pray for me and erica this upcoming week as we finish up and as we are busy. pray that keri has a safe trip home. pray that this trip wraps up the way it should. and most of all, pray that the affects of this trip in our lives, and hopefully in the lives of others, last longer than six weeks.

oh. and i put some new pictures up on facebook from the resort. it was absolutely beautiful and relaxing. and so much fun!

love you all!

beth