i never realize how long it has been since my last blog post. i seriously thought i had done one two days ago. but no, it has been a week. and since i am sure that everyone back home is dying to know what is happening in my life, here i am again.
yes, i do live with two teenage boys. and i wanted to take the opportunity to talk a little more about my host family: the rodriguez family. my host dad, miguel, is mexican and my host mom, vivian, is nicaraguan. vivian actually used to hate mexicans due to a certain incident she had when traveling, but her parents forced her to study in mexico because they wanted to break up her and her current boyfriend at the time. so vivian studied in mexico and met a friend of her sister´s named miguel. they got married and lived in mexico city for a while, and then they moved to honduras and had their four kids: guillermo, rebecca, timmy, and sammy. later on, they felt called to move to el salvador as missionaries. they´ve only been here about 7 months, i believe. miguel is the head pastor at the church here in jucuapa: centro cristiano familiar. vivian is a vivacious, fireball of a lady. she talks a mile a minute, but she truly has one of the sweetest hearts. her english is understandable, but she does have trouble speaking it sometimes. miguel is, oh my, a wonderful man full of happiness. that´s a good way to describe him. he loves his family and God very much. and his sermons are always very powerful...even though i can´t get everything he says at the time. miguel taught english for a while, so his english is very good.
now for the two teenage boys. timmy is 16 and sammy is 17. the other rodriguez kids still live in honduras. timmy is one of the sweetest teenage boys i have ever met. he is respectful, and, well, he washes my dishes sometimes. that´s just how he is. he loves to sing all the time, and he has a great voice. for some reason, though, whenever timmy really gets into singing, sammy says, ¨timmy, why are you crying?¨ it´s become a big joke between all of us. timmy has a girlfriend back in honduras that he is loves an awful lot, but he hasn´t seen here for about 7 months. he wants to be an esl teacher and probably teach either here or somewhere abroad. timmy´s and sammy´s english is pretty much flawless because they grew up in a bilingual school and a bilingual home because of their dad. sammy is the cutie of the family. he is completely the youngest child in every way. he knows how to pout so that he gets his way, but he doesn´t do that often. he is actually a pretty mature fifteen year old. i spend a lot of time around him, and he is a sweetheart as well. i told him the other day that i really do feel like he is my brother. sammy wants to be an architect someday. i was worried about what it would be like living with two teenage boys, but i pretty much think they are amazing. i look forward to seeing them and hanging out with them everyday. they are two very special boys. and they are both ridiculously smart.
so that is the family i´ve been living with for the past three weeks. after about a week here, i realized that i was going to be crying when i left. you grow attached to people very quickly. it´s just the way that it is. and that´s okay too. many people go to lots of different places to do mission work. but for me, i think i want to just focus on one or two areas. i would love to be involved in this ministry in jucuapa for the rest of my life. i don´t mean that i want to move down here. but when i do take trips, i would like to return here. i would like to partner with this church and the schools. i just feel like if i am going to invest in something, i want it to be something that i know well. we´ll have to see how that all pans out in my life.
what else is happening? english classes are going on right now. overall, they have been going well, but there have been a few snares. one of the computers isn´t working very well. and scheduling has been a nightmare. mostly that´s just culture, but it can be really frustrating for us. school is cancelled next week as well. so we will only be in the schools one week before we go. keri is leaving not next week but the following week. fun stuff that we are doing: tomorrow we are going to the beach for the day. then next week we are going to a resort for about three days. i am very excited! there should be lots of pictures up in the next week.
prayer requests....umm...that the english classes would continue going well. that erica and i would be okay with the workload once keri leaves. that i would get all of my graphic design work done. for timmy and sammy because they really want to go on this pastor kid´s retreat, and they aren´t sure that they will be able to do so. and also, just for me that i would have the right heart and attitude. it is easy to get distracted. and i have been struggling with relating to one person in particular here. i want to be above reproach in all that i do, but i also want to be able to relax and have a good time. so yes. i think that is it for now. there will probably be two or three more updates before i come home. gasp. thanks to all of you for praying and loving me. i appreciate it very much!
beth
Friday, July 31, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
.vbs.adorable kids.english classes.breakdowns.
that pretty much sums it up, so i think i'll stop typing after this sentence. :)
just. joking.
so it has been an interesting week for me emotionally. i was struggling a lot with stress earlier this week. and then last night i had a very interesting evening. let's start with that last post.
i feel much better regarding my graphic design work. i think i just struggle because i feel like there are a lot of expectations on me, and i don't want to fail anyone. also, i hate having people look over my shoulders as i am designing something. some people can sit next to me, and i'm fine if they see me as i design. but some people seriously stand over me. i feel like they are judging my every movement. it makes me a little crazy. i do struggle to create and design things. i'm not always sure of what i'm doing. and it's just difficult for me to execute a good idea. but overall, i'm feeling much better.
what else? english classes finally started. the problems finally got worked out, and we've had a few students since then. please keep praying, though, as we learn how to utilize the program to the best of its abilities. there are definitely still kinks to work out. and it is humbling for the people to come in and try to learn english when people are watching them--even if we are there to help.
we had vbs this past week because the schools were out. the work team from asbury had a whole bunch of stuff prepared, so everything went very well. i basically just helped out with the little kids. and i've fallen in love with the kids. they are so adorable. i want to write down all of their names so that i remember to pray for them. i mean, i am here for a few more weeks. but i think most of the impact that i can have on them is through consistent prayer.
and now....the breakdown. last night i was journalling about some things that i was feeling. it was like i saw a problem, and i wanted to solve it. and as i worked through how i was feeling, i realized that my problem was so much more than i thought it was. it wasn't just this isolated incident. it was my perspective. it was what i thought of myself. and, of course, i should have known. it's funny how our insecurities can always find us no matter where we are. they hunt me down sometimes. i had a good time of prayer and journalling and, yes, crying. i realized again how much He loves me. and how skewed my perspective of myself can be. the sad thing is that when my perspective of myself gets so screwed up, i stop reaching out to others. last night i realized anew how much i struggle with my self-worth. it's not as if i don't know the truth of who i am. i know who i am in Him. but sometimes truth doesn't reach the heart. He loves all of us so much. He knows exactly who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, our failures, and our mistakes--but He still loves us. i am so thankful for that. i am so thankful that His love is strong.
today i was a little exhausted just because of the emotional drain of yesterday. but i noticed that i was more willing to give, more willing to engage, and more willing to reach out. i'm thankful that He shows me when something is wrong. and i am so thankful that He shows me my insufficiencies....but doesn't leave it at that.
one thing i have noticed that frustrates me is...well...i feel very cynical. sometimes when christians talk about their faith or their testimony, i am just left feeling dissatisfied and cynical. i tihnk we underrate God so much. it becomes some happy-go-lucky relationship where He is our best friend full of love. and there are elements of that in the relationship. but honestly, i don't consider God my best friend. He is infinitely higher than that. He knows everything about me in every way. He is not something that can be substantiated into infantile human words. i don't know, it just bothers me how we make God seem so friendly. i don't know how to explain it. all i know is that i feel very dissatisfied with the way christians talk about God. i know that may sound pretentious, but it's the way i feel.
okay. prayer requests. that vbs would finish up well. that we would get the hang of our english classes and how to teach the people that come in. and continue to pray that i would sacrifice my pride. i never want to feel like i can't do anything simply because i am worried about people's perceptions of me. i want to sacrifice who i am. all i want to do is to learn how to love. please continue to pray that i will reach out to people and pray for them. i know i can't change the world, but i do want to live as He asks me to live. and i don't want to isolate myself.
i'm very thankful for all the good that has happened already. i love the relationships i have made with the rodriguez and hawk family. i feel very loved and cared for here. there has been a lot of healing in my life these past few weeks. i know that He is doing good things inside of me. and i just want to honor Him with how i handle these next weeks.
i love all of you! thank you so much for your prayers and support! this has been an experience that i don't even know how to begin to describe. :)
oh. and for those of you who don't know....i was joking about the guillermo de ochoa comment. he's a player on the mexican soccer team. and i've been watching the games for the gold cup with the rodriguez family. basically, he's awesome. and the most beloved player on the team. and he totally won the game for the team and now they're in the finals. i hope mexico beats the us tomorrow. yeah. i said it. but i don't actually know him. it was a joke. :) love you all!
just. joking.
so it has been an interesting week for me emotionally. i was struggling a lot with stress earlier this week. and then last night i had a very interesting evening. let's start with that last post.
i feel much better regarding my graphic design work. i think i just struggle because i feel like there are a lot of expectations on me, and i don't want to fail anyone. also, i hate having people look over my shoulders as i am designing something. some people can sit next to me, and i'm fine if they see me as i design. but some people seriously stand over me. i feel like they are judging my every movement. it makes me a little crazy. i do struggle to create and design things. i'm not always sure of what i'm doing. and it's just difficult for me to execute a good idea. but overall, i'm feeling much better.
what else? english classes finally started. the problems finally got worked out, and we've had a few students since then. please keep praying, though, as we learn how to utilize the program to the best of its abilities. there are definitely still kinks to work out. and it is humbling for the people to come in and try to learn english when people are watching them--even if we are there to help.
we had vbs this past week because the schools were out. the work team from asbury had a whole bunch of stuff prepared, so everything went very well. i basically just helped out with the little kids. and i've fallen in love with the kids. they are so adorable. i want to write down all of their names so that i remember to pray for them. i mean, i am here for a few more weeks. but i think most of the impact that i can have on them is through consistent prayer.
and now....the breakdown. last night i was journalling about some things that i was feeling. it was like i saw a problem, and i wanted to solve it. and as i worked through how i was feeling, i realized that my problem was so much more than i thought it was. it wasn't just this isolated incident. it was my perspective. it was what i thought of myself. and, of course, i should have known. it's funny how our insecurities can always find us no matter where we are. they hunt me down sometimes. i had a good time of prayer and journalling and, yes, crying. i realized again how much He loves me. and how skewed my perspective of myself can be. the sad thing is that when my perspective of myself gets so screwed up, i stop reaching out to others. last night i realized anew how much i struggle with my self-worth. it's not as if i don't know the truth of who i am. i know who i am in Him. but sometimes truth doesn't reach the heart. He loves all of us so much. He knows exactly who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, our failures, and our mistakes--but He still loves us. i am so thankful for that. i am so thankful that His love is strong.
today i was a little exhausted just because of the emotional drain of yesterday. but i noticed that i was more willing to give, more willing to engage, and more willing to reach out. i'm thankful that He shows me when something is wrong. and i am so thankful that He shows me my insufficiencies....but doesn't leave it at that.
one thing i have noticed that frustrates me is...well...i feel very cynical. sometimes when christians talk about their faith or their testimony, i am just left feeling dissatisfied and cynical. i tihnk we underrate God so much. it becomes some happy-go-lucky relationship where He is our best friend full of love. and there are elements of that in the relationship. but honestly, i don't consider God my best friend. He is infinitely higher than that. He knows everything about me in every way. He is not something that can be substantiated into infantile human words. i don't know, it just bothers me how we make God seem so friendly. i don't know how to explain it. all i know is that i feel very dissatisfied with the way christians talk about God. i know that may sound pretentious, but it's the way i feel.
okay. prayer requests. that vbs would finish up well. that we would get the hang of our english classes and how to teach the people that come in. and continue to pray that i would sacrifice my pride. i never want to feel like i can't do anything simply because i am worried about people's perceptions of me. i want to sacrifice who i am. all i want to do is to learn how to love. please continue to pray that i will reach out to people and pray for them. i know i can't change the world, but i do want to live as He asks me to live. and i don't want to isolate myself.
i'm very thankful for all the good that has happened already. i love the relationships i have made with the rodriguez and hawk family. i feel very loved and cared for here. there has been a lot of healing in my life these past few weeks. i know that He is doing good things inside of me. and i just want to honor Him with how i handle these next weeks.
i love all of you! thank you so much for your prayers and support! this has been an experience that i don't even know how to begin to describe. :)
oh. and for those of you who don't know....i was joking about the guillermo de ochoa comment. he's a player on the mexican soccer team. and i've been watching the games for the gold cup with the rodriguez family. basically, he's awesome. and the most beloved player on the team. and he totally won the game for the team and now they're in the finals. i hope mexico beats the us tomorrow. yeah. i said it. but i don't actually know him. it was a joke. :) love you all!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
.moment of peace.
so i'm up here typing away at taylor's computer while everyone finishes up the first day of vacation bible school. they didn't really need me. and honestly, i needed to get away. i think erica could tell that. i've been feeling super emotional lately. i mean, i'm normally an emotional person. but, i don't know, the last few days have been a little rougher for me. i've just been feeling blue. and, i don't know, underappreciated. i hesitate to write this here, but i promised myself i would be honest so that people back home would know how to pray for me. i've just been noticing the past few days how i just want to cry over random things that don't matter. i've been getting my feelings hurt more. and i just, i don't know, i feel like i can just about kill myself doing things and nobody really appreciates or understands what i'm doing. basically this is regards to the graphic design stuff that i'm doing. i work so hard on everything that i do. and it is so time consuming. i know it doesn't have to be perfect, but i try to get as close to perfection as possible because that is what i demand. but when i'm done, i don't know how to explain it. part of it is just that people don't really understand what i'm doing. but it's so difficult to work so hard on something and then.....no real response. it's just expected of me that i do these things. and it's a little stressful because i have so many tasks that are expected of me. i like doing graphic design work, but i'm not necessarily sure that i have a gift for it. it's very taxing, and often i just end feeling like a failure. and everyday there is something else that somebody else wants me to do. i just feel really frustrated and really emotional. i don't enjoy feeling that way. and, i don't know, it's just hard sometimes when people hurt my feelings. it's so ridiculous some of the things that hurt me, but they do hurt me. and where i am at currently, well, part of me just wants to sit down and cry or completely withdraw.
wow. that was a lot of emotion in a paragraph. just please pray for me. i struggle a lot in my life with feeling unvalidated. i think this is just another outlet for that same old insecurity. i don't want to make everything about me. i know that loving God is about loving with reckless abandonment. it's about giving up everything. i don't want to need responses or validation. i know that His view of me is the truth. but all of us need validation in some way. and i'm just struggling with that right now. please pray for me. i don't want to be selfish. and i don't want to be on the edge of tears. i want to be able to serve others no matter how they respond to me.
sorry if this was a little much. i just needed to get it out. i will be okay. i know i will. no matter what anyone thinks of me or whether or not i am validated, i know that He knows me completely. He loves me. He calls me and what i do valid. everything i do is an act of service to Him. and while that doesn't feel like enough now....it is enough. i know He is enough.
i love you all! hopefully my next post will be a bit less heavy. :)
Monday, July 20, 2009
beauty and the beast. swine flu. and life.
hello people who love and know me,
i'll try to actually do a decent update on my life. i'm not feeling super chatty, though, so i'm not sure how this will work. right now, we're hanging out at the hawks house. some of us are watching "beauty and the beast." timmy and taylor are playing video games. the new work team of four girls just came in today and went on a walk. erica is talking to her mom. and i don't know where kaitlin is. yesterday we went to usulutan for some groceries and we went to pizza hut. it was a really nice pizza hut, and it was nice to just hang out. basically it was the hawk family, the rodriguez family, and the VIAs. it was a lot of fun. it's hard to share all of the random stories i have from here.
honestly, the thing i love most is just hanging out with the missionary kids here: sammy & timmy (we live with them) and taylor and kaitlin. i just love joking around with them and getting to know them. this weekend we went to see a school performance at sammy's and timmy's school. their part of the performance was "old macdonald." timmy was old macdonald and sammy was the wise man. it was so much fun to see them perform.
what else is going on? well, most of the schools are closing down here because of swine flu. but hang on, mom, please don't freak out. i know she's going to as soon as she reads this. :) mostly it is just precautionary measures. but the minister of health met with someone else today and closed all the schools in this area. so basically, i don't think we'll be teaching in the schools for the next two weeks. part of me is sad, because i do love the kids, but part of me is also happy. it will be nice to focus on other things.
the school is going okay, but i've been feeling very discouraged. in general, it is hard to feel like i'm making a difference at all in any way. i've just been struggling a lot with feeling like i don't have anything to give or offer. and the times that i enjoy the most are not my "ministry." it's just hanging out with people and getting to know them. i know that i don't have to change the world or anything, but i do want to feel like i'm doing something. especially with the kids at school. i want to love them in a way that is remarkable. and i want to have fun teaching them. but i honestly feel incapable and like i don't know what to do. just please pray that i will have the right attitude. i want to have a servant's heart, but i'm just feeling a little discouraged and insufficient.
also please be praying for this whole rosetta stone language class thing. we've been having tons of trouble with this program, and everyone is at the end of their rope. it's just been a rough process. and we really wanted to start the program up this week. furthermore, if the schools do close, we're going to be throwing together a vbs for the kids, so we need a lot of prayer for that.
just one other prayer request....please keep my heart in mind. i realized this last week how easy it is for satan to exploit our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. that sounds really extreme, but that truly is how i feel. i've been struggling with focus and just some weaknesses inside of me that i knew were there. i feel a lot better than i was feeling, but i am still a little tentative. i want to be wise, but i also want to be able to relax and have fun. anyways. those are my prayer requests for now.
and on a quick other note, i climbed a volcano on friday! i haven't figured out how to put the pictures up here, but they are on facebook. and if you must see them, just email me and let me know. it was an incredible experience to be that high up. it seriously was one of the coolest things i've ever done. it was mount alegria (happiness), and we went to a restaurant afterwards. it was so cool....and we had a lot of fun. the guys work team left on saturday. i was sad to see them go. they're a great group of guys.
anyways, everyone is waiting on me to leave. i love all of you! thank you for praying for me. ohyeah...and the communication thing...still pray for that.
.love. beth
i'll try to actually do a decent update on my life. i'm not feeling super chatty, though, so i'm not sure how this will work. right now, we're hanging out at the hawks house. some of us are watching "beauty and the beast." timmy and taylor are playing video games. the new work team of four girls just came in today and went on a walk. erica is talking to her mom. and i don't know where kaitlin is. yesterday we went to usulutan for some groceries and we went to pizza hut. it was a really nice pizza hut, and it was nice to just hang out. basically it was the hawk family, the rodriguez family, and the VIAs. it was a lot of fun. it's hard to share all of the random stories i have from here.
honestly, the thing i love most is just hanging out with the missionary kids here: sammy & timmy (we live with them) and taylor and kaitlin. i just love joking around with them and getting to know them. this weekend we went to see a school performance at sammy's and timmy's school. their part of the performance was "old macdonald." timmy was old macdonald and sammy was the wise man. it was so much fun to see them perform.
what else is going on? well, most of the schools are closing down here because of swine flu. but hang on, mom, please don't freak out. i know she's going to as soon as she reads this. :) mostly it is just precautionary measures. but the minister of health met with someone else today and closed all the schools in this area. so basically, i don't think we'll be teaching in the schools for the next two weeks. part of me is sad, because i do love the kids, but part of me is also happy. it will be nice to focus on other things.
the school is going okay, but i've been feeling very discouraged. in general, it is hard to feel like i'm making a difference at all in any way. i've just been struggling a lot with feeling like i don't have anything to give or offer. and the times that i enjoy the most are not my "ministry." it's just hanging out with people and getting to know them. i know that i don't have to change the world or anything, but i do want to feel like i'm doing something. especially with the kids at school. i want to love them in a way that is remarkable. and i want to have fun teaching them. but i honestly feel incapable and like i don't know what to do. just please pray that i will have the right attitude. i want to have a servant's heart, but i'm just feeling a little discouraged and insufficient.
also please be praying for this whole rosetta stone language class thing. we've been having tons of trouble with this program, and everyone is at the end of their rope. it's just been a rough process. and we really wanted to start the program up this week. furthermore, if the schools do close, we're going to be throwing together a vbs for the kids, so we need a lot of prayer for that.
just one other prayer request....please keep my heart in mind. i realized this last week how easy it is for satan to exploit our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. that sounds really extreme, but that truly is how i feel. i've been struggling with focus and just some weaknesses inside of me that i knew were there. i feel a lot better than i was feeling, but i am still a little tentative. i want to be wise, but i also want to be able to relax and have fun. anyways. those are my prayer requests for now.
and on a quick other note, i climbed a volcano on friday! i haven't figured out how to put the pictures up here, but they are on facebook. and if you must see them, just email me and let me know. it was an incredible experience to be that high up. it seriously was one of the coolest things i've ever done. it was mount alegria (happiness), and we went to a restaurant afterwards. it was so cool....and we had a lot of fun. the guys work team left on saturday. i was sad to see them go. they're a great group of guys.
anyways, everyone is waiting on me to leave. i love all of you! thank you for praying for me. ohyeah...and the communication thing...still pray for that.
.love. beth
Saturday, July 18, 2009
volcano
this will be a quick one, because i don´t feel like typing now. i have some pictures from the school where i´m working in the mornings during the week and from the volcano that i hiked yesterday. but i have not yet figured out how to load them on here. if i can´t figure out how to do that, email me and let me know you´d like to see pictures. i have them on facebook, but i don´t have them on here yet. love you guys!
beth
beth
Monday, July 13, 2009
i am not a teacher or a celebrity.
so...this one might be quick because we have dinner in 30 minutes. i meant to get on here a while ago to update, but by the time i commented and so on and so forth, it was 5:00. anyways. today was the first day that we were at the kids school. we got there twenty minutes early because the principal told us to do so, but all we ended up doing was being surrounded by children as the gave us bracelets and lipgloss. seriously. we were surrounded. it was a little overwhelming to teach the children, especially because i have no experience, but erica was a huge help. tomorrow, though, it is just me and keri. we are both a little nervous because we are not studying to be teachers so our creativity level in this department is a little lower. please pray for us as we continue to teach. we will be at this school monday through friday from 8-11 AM. so it´s gonna be a little crazy. there still hasn´t been any news abou the rosetta stone classes. we have some more RAM, but it hasn´t been installed yet, so i´m not sure how everything is going to work out.
school today was a lot of fun although crazy in every way. it´s frustrating language-wise for me still, because i know everything that i need to know. when i am pressured to speak it, though, i have so much trouble doing so. i know that i´ve only been here for a week, and that i have already improved. but it´s scary to be trying to teach a language to little children who only speak spanish. just please pray for us. keri and i are just not very gifted in this area. and while i know God wants to stretch me and teach me new things, it can still be a little frustrating.
but then i have to remind myself that i am doing things that i do know how to do. since i´ve been here, i´ve had the opportunity to fix the church´s logo, and i have also created two t-shirt designs. i´ve also been helping out with some computer work, and i will be creating more t-shirts in the future. it has been exciting to do things that i do like to do and that i do have knowledge about.
right now there is an american team here so there are now roughly 15 white people in jucuapa. you truly do get stared at whereever you go because most people haven´t ever seen americans. erica, keri, and i have joked that we´re going to cause a car accident one of these days. already someone almost walked into a pole and another guy almost fell off his bike. i don´t even make eye contact with most of the men because it just causes awkward comments. this is the first time in my life that i will be walking down the street and get whistled at. yeah. i´ve started to get a little more used to it, though, and i think that people are starting to get a little more used to seeing us because we walk around a lot. we know our way around jucuapa fairly well. the american team is from florida and they are doing some work at a super poor school and also making cabinets for the church. they´re nice guys, so it´s been a good time.
what else? the bugs are still attacking me full force. i am going to change to unscented soap and use bug spray. if that doesn´t help, i´m going to go to the doctor, because it is almost unbearable. i itch all the time, and my legs are covered. i wake up in the middle of the night itching. i´m pretty frustrated about that because it is really uncomfortable. so please continue praying that clears up. also, i´ve been feeling a little bit lonely....even though i´m around people all the time. i´ve realized how spoiled i am because i have so many friends and family members who know me completely. it´s hard for me in new situations because i often feel pigeon-holed or like people expect me to act a certain way. i´ve loosened up a lot in the past few years, and so i tend to show the very silly side of my personality first. it´s hard, though, because i end up feeling like that´s how people expect me to act all the time, and that isn´t really who i am. honestly, i´m a pretty serious person. i cried a few nights ago because i realized how much i miss having people around me who just know me completely. it´s hard to explain. after praying, though, i realized that i again have to stop looking through the lens of how i feel and look through the lens of how i can serve. i know that God wants to hear and meet my needs, but i also believe that i need to focus not on myself, but on others. and normally, when i do so, everything else falls into place.
so far, this has been a good experience, but very different than i expected. i love all the missionary kids down here--i call them kids because most of them are 6 years younger than me. the funny thing is, though, that they don´t act immature or obnoxiously young. they are all lots of fun to hang out with, and they made me realize that i probably wouldn´t mind working in a youth group or something in the future--i always used to think that i couldn´t handle that.
anyways. i also went shopping today and bought an awesome red belt that says "el salvador" and a cute top. the belt is a little big, so i would like to hammer a hole in it when i get home. i just couldn´t resist buying it, because it was real leather and engraved and only five dollars. i think that i may buy some christmas presents when i´m down here. :)
oh. and this friday, we are going back to san miguel for some souvenir shopping with the work team. and we´re also going to see a volcano because there are tons around here. i am very excited! i will take pictures then, and i might take pictures just of around too. so hopefully in the next two weeks there will be some pictures.
and one more thing. i´ve fallen in love.
if any of you actually just fell for that, well, then, you need to realize i am happily single. there is a boy that i think is cute, though, his name is guillermo, and he is the goalie for the mexican soccer team. pretty much he´s awesome. i´ve been watching so many soccer games, that i need to find something to interest me. he´s fulfilled that position. :)
hey. i love you all. and now i need to go wash my feet--because i´m constantly dirty here--and go to dinner. thanks for reading this and praying for me and investing in my life. i love all of you, and i truly appreciate you!
.love. beth
school today was a lot of fun although crazy in every way. it´s frustrating language-wise for me still, because i know everything that i need to know. when i am pressured to speak it, though, i have so much trouble doing so. i know that i´ve only been here for a week, and that i have already improved. but it´s scary to be trying to teach a language to little children who only speak spanish. just please pray for us. keri and i are just not very gifted in this area. and while i know God wants to stretch me and teach me new things, it can still be a little frustrating.
but then i have to remind myself that i am doing things that i do know how to do. since i´ve been here, i´ve had the opportunity to fix the church´s logo, and i have also created two t-shirt designs. i´ve also been helping out with some computer work, and i will be creating more t-shirts in the future. it has been exciting to do things that i do like to do and that i do have knowledge about.
right now there is an american team here so there are now roughly 15 white people in jucuapa. you truly do get stared at whereever you go because most people haven´t ever seen americans. erica, keri, and i have joked that we´re going to cause a car accident one of these days. already someone almost walked into a pole and another guy almost fell off his bike. i don´t even make eye contact with most of the men because it just causes awkward comments. this is the first time in my life that i will be walking down the street and get whistled at. yeah. i´ve started to get a little more used to it, though, and i think that people are starting to get a little more used to seeing us because we walk around a lot. we know our way around jucuapa fairly well. the american team is from florida and they are doing some work at a super poor school and also making cabinets for the church. they´re nice guys, so it´s been a good time.
what else? the bugs are still attacking me full force. i am going to change to unscented soap and use bug spray. if that doesn´t help, i´m going to go to the doctor, because it is almost unbearable. i itch all the time, and my legs are covered. i wake up in the middle of the night itching. i´m pretty frustrated about that because it is really uncomfortable. so please continue praying that clears up. also, i´ve been feeling a little bit lonely....even though i´m around people all the time. i´ve realized how spoiled i am because i have so many friends and family members who know me completely. it´s hard for me in new situations because i often feel pigeon-holed or like people expect me to act a certain way. i´ve loosened up a lot in the past few years, and so i tend to show the very silly side of my personality first. it´s hard, though, because i end up feeling like that´s how people expect me to act all the time, and that isn´t really who i am. honestly, i´m a pretty serious person. i cried a few nights ago because i realized how much i miss having people around me who just know me completely. it´s hard to explain. after praying, though, i realized that i again have to stop looking through the lens of how i feel and look through the lens of how i can serve. i know that God wants to hear and meet my needs, but i also believe that i need to focus not on myself, but on others. and normally, when i do so, everything else falls into place.
so far, this has been a good experience, but very different than i expected. i love all the missionary kids down here--i call them kids because most of them are 6 years younger than me. the funny thing is, though, that they don´t act immature or obnoxiously young. they are all lots of fun to hang out with, and they made me realize that i probably wouldn´t mind working in a youth group or something in the future--i always used to think that i couldn´t handle that.
anyways. i also went shopping today and bought an awesome red belt that says "el salvador" and a cute top. the belt is a little big, so i would like to hammer a hole in it when i get home. i just couldn´t resist buying it, because it was real leather and engraved and only five dollars. i think that i may buy some christmas presents when i´m down here. :)
oh. and this friday, we are going back to san miguel for some souvenir shopping with the work team. and we´re also going to see a volcano because there are tons around here. i am very excited! i will take pictures then, and i might take pictures just of around too. so hopefully in the next two weeks there will be some pictures.
and one more thing. i´ve fallen in love.
if any of you actually just fell for that, well, then, you need to realize i am happily single. there is a boy that i think is cute, though, his name is guillermo, and he is the goalie for the mexican soccer team. pretty much he´s awesome. i´ve been watching so many soccer games, that i need to find something to interest me. he´s fulfilled that position. :)
hey. i love you all. and now i need to go wash my feet--because i´m constantly dirty here--and go to dinner. thanks for reading this and praying for me and investing in my life. i love all of you, and i truly appreciate you!
.love. beth
Friday, July 10, 2009
san miguel, bugbites, and bathroom doors
so here i am again typing away on sammy´s spanish keyboard. it´s mostly the same, but it has a few differences--just like jucuapa. i honestly don´t feel any culture shock really. sometimes i feel a little overwhelmed when i can´t understand what people are saying to me, but overall jucuapa is just a little town. it has internet access. i can drink and use the water--which is awesome because i didn´t know that until i got here. people understand me when i speak. and the missionary kids here; sammy and timmy from the family i´m staying with and kaitlin and taylor from the hawks; are all fairly normal teenagers. outside of keri and erica, i hang out with them more than anybody else. i´m the oldest of the whole group--even though i probably don´t act like it all the time (smile)--but they are all a lot of fun. the mks range from ages 15 to 17. keri is 20, and erica is 19. so overall, it has been a lot of fun getting to know, well, everyone.
my host family, the rogriguez family, are such incredibly welcoming people. after dinner we normally sit and talk. vivian is practicing her english, and i try to practice my spanish. in the evening we normally just hang out with sammy and timmy. we´re not supposed to go out after dark really...and dark hits around 8 o´clock down here. we did go out to get ice cream the one night after 8 because the guys were with us, but the entire town was deserted. pretty much everything shuts down in jucuapa after 8. it was weird. what else? well, the rodriguez family had a little bathroom for us outside our room. and until yesterday it didn´t have a door so we weren´t really using it. we probably could have used it and just shielded ourselves with the shower curtain, but olso, their dog, loved to run in while we were going to the bathroom, etc.
but now all is well, and we are happy to have a door.
i feel like there is so much i have to say! i´m sorry if i´m rambling on, but i just can´t help myself. today we went to san miguel to shop for the first work team that is arriving tomorrow. the supermarket was in the mall, so keri and i walked around for a little bit. i haven´t bought anything here except for food, and i didn´t buy anything today. i went into a shoe store, but i felt like the employees were surrounding me--because they literally were--and i was pretty uncomfortable, so i ended up leaving pretty quickly. me, erica, and keri are providing our own breakfast every morning out of money given to us from the missionaries. the last two days we went down to a little marketplace and bought some sweet bread and yogurt. i´d still like to do that from time to time, but it will be nice to have other options too now that i bought some food at the supermarket in san miguel. the food here is fantastic. and i am so thankful that i like beans. because i have them alot, and i still enjoy them.
and now to tell you what i am going to be doing. there is a smattering of random things and then there are the big things. the randomness is that i´ll be (hopefully) setting up a website, doing some graphic design work, and also designing some t-shirts. the big stuff is that monday thru friday erica, keri, and i will be teaching english at a spanish school in the area. we´ll be teaching in one hour increments to grades 4 through 9. when we went to visit there, the kids literally surrounded us. they were so excited to meet us because there are no americans in jucuapa except the hawks. yeah. we get lots of looks when we go outside. in the afternoons and evenings we are going to be assisting with learning english using the rosetta stone program. all of this starts next week, so i´m going to start getting very busy soon.
as for prayer requests, well, like i wrote in my title, i am getting bitten up like mad. i´m using bug spray, and i don´t really know what else to do. it´s just irritating to be itchy. also, we´ve been having problems with the computers that we are using for rosetta stone. i spent five hours working on it on wednesday, and i couldn´t figure out what the problem was. when we finally called tech, i found out that the problem was not me, but that the computer didn´t have enough memory. yeah. i was a little frustrated. but this program is a really big deal because it serves as a great outreach to the community. lots of people are interested in it, and the church wants to use it to teach english as well as to get people learning more about God. the work team tomorrow is bringing more RAM, but i´m not sure it will be enough. so please pray that the computers will work. also, please pray for erica, keri, and i as we head into the schools on monday. when we first started talking about it as we toured the schools, i felt completely overwhelmed. i almost started crying. but as i was internally freaking out, i realized that i honestly can do nothing on my own anyways. i am insufficient, and i need to trust that He will be my sufficiency. the other prayer request i would have is for communication. i am trying very hard to speak spanish when i can, but i have trouble understanding people and communicating with them. this is scary to think about as i go into teaching others english. i did realize the other day as i was journalling that this is largely because i am afraid of failure or afraid of how i will look. realizing that helped me to understand that i need to be humble enough to ask people to repeat or make sure that i understand what is going on. it´s just frustrating because i have studied spanish for so long and still feel like i don´t know what is happening sometimes. a final prayer request that i have is just for patience and skill as i do some basic graphic design stuff. i know what i am doing to a certain extent, but i´m definitely not very gifted at it, and i want to do well. okay. i´m almost done.
the last thing i want to say is completely random. the rodriguez family and the girls and i watched the world cup game last night, and i was reminded of why i don´t watch sports. i was so irritated. the referee was calling things that didn´t need to be called and some of the soccer players were acting like children. the game ended tied simply because one player refused to get off of the field after being given a red card. yeah. my host family was pretty frustrated too.
i think that´s it for now. i don´t know when i will update next, but kudos to you if you got through all of this. i love you all!
my host family, the rogriguez family, are such incredibly welcoming people. after dinner we normally sit and talk. vivian is practicing her english, and i try to practice my spanish. in the evening we normally just hang out with sammy and timmy. we´re not supposed to go out after dark really...and dark hits around 8 o´clock down here. we did go out to get ice cream the one night after 8 because the guys were with us, but the entire town was deserted. pretty much everything shuts down in jucuapa after 8. it was weird. what else? well, the rodriguez family had a little bathroom for us outside our room. and until yesterday it didn´t have a door so we weren´t really using it. we probably could have used it and just shielded ourselves with the shower curtain, but olso, their dog, loved to run in while we were going to the bathroom, etc.
but now all is well, and we are happy to have a door.
i feel like there is so much i have to say! i´m sorry if i´m rambling on, but i just can´t help myself. today we went to san miguel to shop for the first work team that is arriving tomorrow. the supermarket was in the mall, so keri and i walked around for a little bit. i haven´t bought anything here except for food, and i didn´t buy anything today. i went into a shoe store, but i felt like the employees were surrounding me--because they literally were--and i was pretty uncomfortable, so i ended up leaving pretty quickly. me, erica, and keri are providing our own breakfast every morning out of money given to us from the missionaries. the last two days we went down to a little marketplace and bought some sweet bread and yogurt. i´d still like to do that from time to time, but it will be nice to have other options too now that i bought some food at the supermarket in san miguel. the food here is fantastic. and i am so thankful that i like beans. because i have them alot, and i still enjoy them.
and now to tell you what i am going to be doing. there is a smattering of random things and then there are the big things. the randomness is that i´ll be (hopefully) setting up a website, doing some graphic design work, and also designing some t-shirts. the big stuff is that monday thru friday erica, keri, and i will be teaching english at a spanish school in the area. we´ll be teaching in one hour increments to grades 4 through 9. when we went to visit there, the kids literally surrounded us. they were so excited to meet us because there are no americans in jucuapa except the hawks. yeah. we get lots of looks when we go outside. in the afternoons and evenings we are going to be assisting with learning english using the rosetta stone program. all of this starts next week, so i´m going to start getting very busy soon.
as for prayer requests, well, like i wrote in my title, i am getting bitten up like mad. i´m using bug spray, and i don´t really know what else to do. it´s just irritating to be itchy. also, we´ve been having problems with the computers that we are using for rosetta stone. i spent five hours working on it on wednesday, and i couldn´t figure out what the problem was. when we finally called tech, i found out that the problem was not me, but that the computer didn´t have enough memory. yeah. i was a little frustrated. but this program is a really big deal because it serves as a great outreach to the community. lots of people are interested in it, and the church wants to use it to teach english as well as to get people learning more about God. the work team tomorrow is bringing more RAM, but i´m not sure it will be enough. so please pray that the computers will work. also, please pray for erica, keri, and i as we head into the schools on monday. when we first started talking about it as we toured the schools, i felt completely overwhelmed. i almost started crying. but as i was internally freaking out, i realized that i honestly can do nothing on my own anyways. i am insufficient, and i need to trust that He will be my sufficiency. the other prayer request i would have is for communication. i am trying very hard to speak spanish when i can, but i have trouble understanding people and communicating with them. this is scary to think about as i go into teaching others english. i did realize the other day as i was journalling that this is largely because i am afraid of failure or afraid of how i will look. realizing that helped me to understand that i need to be humble enough to ask people to repeat or make sure that i understand what is going on. it´s just frustrating because i have studied spanish for so long and still feel like i don´t know what is happening sometimes. a final prayer request that i have is just for patience and skill as i do some basic graphic design stuff. i know what i am doing to a certain extent, but i´m definitely not very gifted at it, and i want to do well. okay. i´m almost done.
the last thing i want to say is completely random. the rodriguez family and the girls and i watched the world cup game last night, and i was reminded of why i don´t watch sports. i was so irritated. the referee was calling things that didn´t need to be called and some of the soccer players were acting like children. the game ended tied simply because one player refused to get off of the field after being given a red card. yeah. my host family was pretty frustrated too.
i think that´s it for now. i don´t know when i will update next, but kudos to you if you got through all of this. i love you all!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
estoy aqui. and now what?
hello everyone who happens to be reading this. :)
yesterday (seems like a lot longer) i woke up aroun 1:30, packed the rest of my things, and headed out to the baltimore airport. i met up with keri and erica (the two girls who are with me here) at the atlanta airport, and we got on our plane to san salvador. it was about a four hour flight. we met up with david and debbie hawk (one of the missionaries here) outside of the airport. we went out to eat for lunch and then travelled the rest of the way to jucuapa. erica, keri, and i had all gotten up super early, so we were rather slap happy, but all turned out okay.
what to say? goodness, i don't even know. we're staying with another missionary family who is orignally from honduras: miguel and vivian rodriguez. their two sons, sammy and timmy, also live with them. all of us are sharing room together, but now that we're organized, i think we'll be okay. jucuapa really just reminds me of a regular little town. it's a very lovely town. i do plan to get around to taking pictures, but this is only my second day here. we went to church yesterday and then ate supper at the rodriguez house. we had popusos for dinner--it's kind of like a corn tortilla with cheese, beans, meat, or a mixture of that. they were really good. :) i went to bed earlier than everyone because i felt completely out of it. i woke up at 6:30 this morning--two hours before i had to, but i was glad to have some time to think.
debbie and david talked to us about what we would be doing in the upcoming weeks. we'll be working at the church with sunday school, vbs, and the youth group. there will also be a few random projects we'll do. and we're going to be helping with the start of some rosetta stone english classes.
overall, everything has been going very well. the community here has been extremely welcoming. the rodriguez family is amazing, and i really appreciate the way they have welcomed us into their home. the spanish has been a little rocky for me. i find that i am fine as long as i am having a conversation with someone, but i don't always understand what people are saying around me or if they talk for a long amount of time. even so, though, i am so thankful that i have at least a rudimentary idea of what is going on. i can't imagine not knowing anything. and i've been proud of the fact that i am trying.
i do want to be honest, though, and say that thinking about being here for six weeks--now that i am here--is rather overwhelming. i get nervous that i won't be able to understand or communicate with people. and it's hard to be in a completely new situation. on top of that, all of us girls stick out like nothing else. i knew we would, but it is different to know something and then to experience it. i'm not really sure how to handle that. overall, i just want to have the right attitude as i am here. i get so nervous that i won't be able to understand spanish the way i should or that i won't be able to help as much as i should and so on. there's just a lot of fear and insecurity--like there is in most situations.
but i believe that God brought me here. i mean, seriously, i raised all my money in rougly a month. i just want to get to a point of feeling comfortable here. especially as i start going to the open marketplace down the road tomorrow. please pray that i won't withdraw in this new situation. i do know that i need to take time for myself to think and pray, but i don't want to run away from anything just because i'm scared. i appreciate all of you and all that you have done for me. thanks for praying for me. i have no idea what's going to happen in the next few weeks, but i know that i will do my best to submit to Him.
i love you all!
yesterday (seems like a lot longer) i woke up aroun 1:30, packed the rest of my things, and headed out to the baltimore airport. i met up with keri and erica (the two girls who are with me here) at the atlanta airport, and we got on our plane to san salvador. it was about a four hour flight. we met up with david and debbie hawk (one of the missionaries here) outside of the airport. we went out to eat for lunch and then travelled the rest of the way to jucuapa. erica, keri, and i had all gotten up super early, so we were rather slap happy, but all turned out okay.
what to say? goodness, i don't even know. we're staying with another missionary family who is orignally from honduras: miguel and vivian rodriguez. their two sons, sammy and timmy, also live with them. all of us are sharing room together, but now that we're organized, i think we'll be okay. jucuapa really just reminds me of a regular little town. it's a very lovely town. i do plan to get around to taking pictures, but this is only my second day here. we went to church yesterday and then ate supper at the rodriguez house. we had popusos for dinner--it's kind of like a corn tortilla with cheese, beans, meat, or a mixture of that. they were really good. :) i went to bed earlier than everyone because i felt completely out of it. i woke up at 6:30 this morning--two hours before i had to, but i was glad to have some time to think.
debbie and david talked to us about what we would be doing in the upcoming weeks. we'll be working at the church with sunday school, vbs, and the youth group. there will also be a few random projects we'll do. and we're going to be helping with the start of some rosetta stone english classes.
overall, everything has been going very well. the community here has been extremely welcoming. the rodriguez family is amazing, and i really appreciate the way they have welcomed us into their home. the spanish has been a little rocky for me. i find that i am fine as long as i am having a conversation with someone, but i don't always understand what people are saying around me or if they talk for a long amount of time. even so, though, i am so thankful that i have at least a rudimentary idea of what is going on. i can't imagine not knowing anything. and i've been proud of the fact that i am trying.
i do want to be honest, though, and say that thinking about being here for six weeks--now that i am here--is rather overwhelming. i get nervous that i won't be able to understand or communicate with people. and it's hard to be in a completely new situation. on top of that, all of us girls stick out like nothing else. i knew we would, but it is different to know something and then to experience it. i'm not really sure how to handle that. overall, i just want to have the right attitude as i am here. i get so nervous that i won't be able to understand spanish the way i should or that i won't be able to help as much as i should and so on. there's just a lot of fear and insecurity--like there is in most situations.
but i believe that God brought me here. i mean, seriously, i raised all my money in rougly a month. i just want to get to a point of feeling comfortable here. especially as i start going to the open marketplace down the road tomorrow. please pray that i won't withdraw in this new situation. i do know that i need to take time for myself to think and pray, but i don't want to run away from anything just because i'm scared. i appreciate all of you and all that you have done for me. thanks for praying for me. i have no idea what's going to happen in the next few weeks, but i know that i will do my best to submit to Him.
i love you all!
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